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lives in her own utopian world. loves the blessed life that she has surrounded by friends and family.Gemz.Cam-whore.Queen of Blurness. Thrives in sarcasm. fathiah_born1987@hotmail.com

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  • Saturday, January 31, 2004

  • my bro never fails to amuse me. just now he was trying to imiatte that guy who sang 'she bangs' in american idol. instead of saying 'she bangs', he penuh semangat sang 'shebab, shebab'...kekek sey..
    Br>then the other day he was watching tv and saw the tv mobile advertisment. being selenge or ignorant, he asked 'kak, asal kita takder tv mobile ah?'..oh my god..kekek sey..i was asking my sis abt some maths qn and tried so hard not to laugh but it was a failed attemp nevertheless...

    haha b4 i forget..SELAMAT HARI RAYA AILDILADHA everyone. as what my cousins say..kambings galore time. haha..it was just a yr ago that my parents went haji..how fast one year went by..tmr just going to my maternal grandmother's house...my nenek on my father's side pergi melaka..balik kampong iguess...so tmr must take lots of pics with nenek, anunts uncles and cousins..yay..!!

    wanted to watch kuliah cinta today but my parents tak kasi..sth like malam raya pon nak gi wayang untuk ape..but it's okaylah cos i'm kinda broke..:)klah to my cousins..see ya tmr at nenek's house..i think nenek masak nasi tomato..yum yum...



  • Di dalam hidup manusia, yang penting ialah BERKAT.
    Bila hidup kita berkat, diri ini akan selamat.
    Apabila diri selamat, rumahtangga jadi sepakat.
    Apabila rumahtangga jadi sepakat, masyarakat jadi muafakat.
    Apabila masyarakat jadi muafakat, negara kita menjadi kuat. Apabila negara
    menjadi kuat, negara luar jadi hormat. Apabila negara luar jadi
    hormat, permusuhan pun tersekat. Apabila permusuhan tersekat,
    pembangunan pun meningkat. Apabila pembangunan pun meningkat,
    kemajuan menjadi pesat.

    TETAPI AWAS, apabila pembangunan meningkat, kemajuan menjadi pesat,
    kita lihat bangunan naik bertingkat-tingkat.

    Ditengah-tengah itu, tempat maksiat tumbuh macam kulat. Apabila
    tempat-tempat maksiat tumbuh macam kulat, KETIKA ITU manusia mula
    mengubah tabiat. Apabila manusia telah mengubah tabiat,
    ada yang jadi lalat ada yang jadi ulat.
    Apabila manusia dah jadi ulat, sembahyang makin hari makin liat.
    Apabila sembahyang jadi liat, orang baik ada yang bertukar jadi jahat.
    Apabila orang baik bertukar jahat, orang miskin pula nak kaya cepat.
    Apabila orang miskin nak kaya cepat, orang tua pula nak mati lambat.
    Apabila orang tua nak mati lambat, tak dapat minum madu telan jerla minyak gamat.

    Yang lelaki, budak budak muda pakai seluar ketat.

    Semua nak tunjuk kuat.
    Bila berjudi, percaya unsur kurafat.
    Tapi hidup pula yang melarat.
    Tali kasut dah tak berikat.
    Rambut pun jarang sikat.

    Yang perempuan, pakai mini sekerat
    .Suka pakai baju ketat.
    Suka sangat menunjukkan pusat.
    Hingga tak pedulikan lagi batasan aurat
    .Pakai pulak yang singkat-singkat.
    Kadang-kadang ternampak benda 'bulat'

    .Bila jadi macam ini, siapa lihat pasti tercegat.
    Silap gaya jadi gawat, bohsia bohjan lagi hebat.
    Duduk jauh berkirim surat.
    Bila berjumpa, tangan berjabat.
    Kemudian pakat lawan peluk siapa erat.
    Masa tu, nafas naik sampai tersekat-sekat.
    Usah peduli agama dan adat.
    Usah takut Allah dan malaikat.
    Yang penting apa kita nak buat?
    Kita 'bukti' lah kita buat.
    Akhirnya perut kempis dah jadi bulat.
    Apabila perut kempis dah jadi bulat, maka lahirlah
    pula anak-anak yang tak cukup sifat.
    Bila anak-anak tak cukup sifat, jam tu kita tengok bayi dibuang di merata tempat.


    MAKNANYA KETIKA ITU, IBLIS MULA MELOMPAT.
    Dia kata apa? Habis manusia dah masuk jerat.
    Habis manusia telah tersesat.
    Inilah dia fenomena masyarakat.
    Oleh itu wahai saudaraku dan para sahabat,
    Marilah kita pakat mengingat,
    Bahawa dunia hari ini makin singkat,
    Esok atau lusa mungkin kiamat,
    Sampai masa kita semua akan berangkat!
    .Berangkat menuju ke negeri akhirat.

    Di sana kita akan ditanya apa yang kita buat.
    Masa tu, sindri mau ingat.

    Umur mu banyak mana mu buat ibadat...?
    Zaman muda mu, apa yang telah mu buat...?
    Harta benda anta, dari mana anta dapat...?
    Ilmu anta, adakah anta manafaat...?

    Semoga ianya dapat mengingatkan kita supaya segera
    meninggalkan maksiat dan memperbanyakkan ibadat.




  • A very true conversation which we always hid in our hearts and never say it
    out until...............
    If you see me walking the road with someone else
    It's not because I like his company
    Its because you're not brave enough to walk beside me.
    If you hear me talking about him all the time
    Its not because he pleases me
    Its because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat
    If you feel me falling with someone new
    Its not because I love him
    Because you're not there to catch me fall
    If you feel lost, I too am nowhere
    I too don't know where the road is going
    Are we gonna cross each other's path
    Or just completely turn around?
    Will we just let go of what we had
    Or go to the place where love is bound
    Don't let me walk with him
    It's you I want to walk with
    Don't let me talk of him
    It's you I want to talk with
    Don't let me fall for him
    It's you I want to fall in love with.

    THE ANSWER"
    When you thought I wasn't brave enough to walk beside you
    I was behind you every step of the way
    Still filled with awe because of the beauty that stands before me
    When you thought I was too deaf to hear your heartbeat
    I didn't want to assume anything
    And I was afraid to lose our friendship
    When you thought I wasn't there to catch you
    It was because you never gave me the chance
    You never reached the bottom, you've already grabbed a branch
    If you feel like you are nowhere, I too am lost
    I too don't know where the road is going
    Are we just going to turn around,
    Or are we gonna cross each other's path?
    Will we just let go of what we had
    Or go to the place where love is bound?
    Don't let me walk alone
    I want to walk by your side
    Don't let me talk of something else
    It's you I want to talk with
    Don't let me fall for someone else
    It's you I want to fall in love with.

    WHEN I SAW YOU...
    I WAS AFRAID TO TALK TO YOU...
    WHEN I TALKED TO YOU...
    I WAS AFRAID TO HOLD YOU...
    WHEN I HOLD YOU...
    I WAS AFRAID TO LOVE YOU...
    NOW THAT I LOVE YOU ...
    I'M AFRAID TO LOSE YOU...

    YESTERDAY IS HISTORY...
    TOMORROW IS A MYSTERY...
    AND TODAY IS A GIFT...
    THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED A PRESENT...

    SOMETIMES LOVE HURTS...
    BUT IF IT DOESN'T HURT...
    THEN IT ISN'T LOVE...
    HOLD ON TO THE PERSON U LOVE...
    BEFORE THEY SLIP AWAY...
    OR ELSE U CAN NEVER GET THEM BACK...
    I WAS BORN WHEN YOU KISSED ME...
    AND I DIED WHEN YOU LEFT ME...
    BUT I LIVED FOR THE TWO MONTHS U LOVED ME...
    UNTIL THERE WAS YOU,
    I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP...
    WHILE I HAD YOU,I FELL ASLEEP WITH A GENTLE SMILE ON MY FACE...
    BEFORE I LOST YOU,I WORRIED MY SELF TO SLEEP...
    NOW THAT I KNOW UR GONE,
    I SIT UP AT NIGHT, WAITING FOR U TO COME BACK...



  • This is Prince William, the Prince of England.(I mean the left one...though the right one is also the Prince of England...but he is not included in this topic~:p)
    Quite a good-looking guy,dare you say no?



    This is the Prince of Monaco. A deadly handsome guy!!!Right?Right?



    This is the son of Prime Minister Tony Blair. Wow...Lovely?The answer should be truly yes......Cute rite? Check out the dimple man...



    This is the Prince of North Korea!!!




    Wow~bloody wonderful...agree?Is he your type?:p Hahaha i noe i'm being bad...but i nearly died of laughter....









  • Ya Allah
    Today, upon a bus,
    I saw a girl with golden hair.
    and wished I was as fair.
    When suddenly she rose to leave,
    I saw her hobble down the aisle.
    She had one leg and wore a crutch.
    But as she passed, a smile.
    Ya Allah, forgive me when I whine.
    I have 2 legs, the world is mine.

    I stopped to buy some candy.
    The lad who sold it had such charm.
    I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
    If I were late, it'd do no harm.
    And as I left, he said to me,
    "I thank you, you've been so kind.
    It's nice to talk with folks like you.
    You see," he said, "I'm blind."
    Ya Allah, forgive me when I whine.
    I have 2 eyes, the world is mine.

    Later while walking down the street,
    I saw a child with eyes of blue.
    He stood and watched the others play.
    He did not know what to do.
    I stopped a moment and then I said,
    "Why don't you join the others, dear?"
    He looked ahead without a word.
    And then I knew, he couldn't hear.
    Ya Allah, forgive me when I whine.
    I have 2 ears, the world is mine.

    With feet to take me where I'd go.
    With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
    With ears to hear what I'd know.
    Ya Allah, forgive me when I whine.
    I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine.

    ************************************************************************************
    Everyday when you return from your school, whether or not it is from a secondary school, a junior collage, a polytechnic, or ITE, you would probably think that school sucks.

    All that work and torture under your lecturer's or teacher's homework or assignments, or tutorials...

    But think about this, i mean really think. All the time spent with your classmates, all the laughter, sorrows, and happiness of knowing that your friends are there in your class.

    Now imagine them gone, perhaps part of them or even all of them. You may not realise it, but when advancing into the next level of education, it is inevitable that some friends will be parting with you.

    What is all this you ask yourself, what I ask is of you to think, for those who received this mail, what do those people who were once or were still your classmates and friends meant to you.

    Anyone who has at least finished their o levels and has graduated from respective schools would know the feeling of parting with your classmates and friends.

    Not knowing when you still see them again.

    Perhaps the next day, the next week, month, years, or even decade. Perhaps one day, you would realised how bitter sweet those memories were, the fun you had with your classmates and friends.

    That is why ever so often when you asked someone which is the most fond memories they had in their years in education, they would often have that sadness in their eyes, but yet, they smile briefly.

    It's the memories of their school friends. Those unforgettable years of laughter and happiness in school.

    Each classmate had suffered under the same stresses in school. The teachers, whether they are kind or extremely strict.

    So treasure your schooling days, don't complain, because you never know when you will miss them dearly. And perhaps, shed a tear for those treasured times in your youth.


  • Friday, January 30, 2004






  • Cousins' Outing...at Tim Sum Hara...and of course in the car....





    The masjid..so nice...and it's only the toilet...Majid Abdul Hamid Kampung Pasiran



  • hey..i noe i haven't been updating lately.cos i have to finish up lots of tutorials..talk about last minute work..that's my talent and speciality..hehe...so to tell u the truth, i dunno what's going on rite now....i mean the development of kak effa's story and stuuufs like that cos i haven't read all of your blogs yet..

    well, i finished sch early. had pizza with my class during common lunch just now. as usual, i stayed back in sch for fun..doing nothing..oh yah, azzah came over to mj just now...wow..it has been quite some time since i last saw her..act the last time was on 18th jan at pasir ris park

    mj's road run is on valentine's day...bleh..must run 3km...klah that's abt all for now...adios...


  • Sunday, January 25, 2004

  • went to nenek's house just now. i dunno y but i really felt peaceful there...lagi2 we one whole big family prayed maghrib and isyak berjemaah...feels like sembahyang terawih. i find that the lauk today at nenek's house so sikit..esp the sotong hitam...kempunan sey cos it's been quite some time since i ate it...

    then before we prayed ishak, some things happened...and the mak ciks and pak ciks talked to kak effa abt the marriage thing..i feel so kesian for her...all the struggle that she has to go through just to get married to the man of her dreams...to kak effa if u're reading this..be strong okies..i noe it sounds so cliched..be patient and trust me...one day..victory will be yours...and get as much rest as possible kays cos i notice that u look very tired...i noe it's tough when u haf to teach and then tutor a lot of pple..but take everything in your stride...remember to read the quotes we gave u..hope that they will make u smile if u're feeling down...

    suddenly it dawned on me that u haf to think of your family before u decide to do sth...whatever u do..good or bad, it will inevitably have a great impact on the family..haizz...kind of sad rite...but howells..i better go to sleep now...i have a very long day tmr..finish at 4.45 tmr...



  • hmm..where do i start..i really dunno. these past two days has been a rollercoaster ride for me...hahaha...do i start with happy things or just ramble on bout some things that have happened...ah yes...i guess i will update on the fun "outings" or rather places that my cousins and i have gone to.:)

    yesterday i went out after asar and went to bukit timah to eat at this restaurant..dun exactly noe its name but it's sth like Tim Hara...haha, i really dunno the name...heck...the restaurant basically sells chinese food like dumplings, siew mai etc. the food may look little but trust me, u'll be full mann...

    next stop we went to Masjid Abdul Hamid Kampung Pasiran at Thompson Road, somewhere near Novena there. i tell u the mosque is very nice tho it's quite small. it's so cosy and is surounded by big bungalows. i simply fell in love with the toilet. when u open the tap to angkat air sembahyang, the water runs out like waterfall...so nice...the concepr is similar to Masjid Mydin in Kembangan but nicer...and i tot Masjid Mydin is one of the nicest mosques i've ever been to.

    well, we could only go to these what u might say inaccessible places cos we have a transport...that is kak effa's colt. can u imagine 5 of us squeezed at the back...i wonder how i survived the entire outing. furthermore, i had to sit on izzah's lap....this is what u get for being small. -_-

    we went to see the big houses near the mosque after we had prayed. i tell u, the houses are huge, humongous is the more precise word...but then i wouldn't want to stay there...it's so ulu and quiet...kind of scary i must say. after that we went to airport to buy sth at starbucks. then we went back to the car and ate cheesecake and muffin inside..so funny...my sis and i sat on the floor of the car...it was kind of squeezy but nvm...it was cosy sitting down there...haha...well i will put the pics here once kak effa has uploaded it on her blog...my digicam had to disappoint us that day as the battery went flat...

    making last minute decision is our talent so we decided to sleeep over at kak effa's house. furthermore, it was easier to go to belajar ugama at masjid mydin since the mosque is so near her house...after belajar ugama, we went to s-11 to eat...and after asar..i went to nenek's house...

    i dunno why but i felt very enlightened just now during belajar ugama..learnt a few things bout hari raya haji and stuffs....guess i didn't know a lot about all these hari raya stuffs...shows how ignorant i am and how inept i am in ilmu agama...i shall strive to be a better Muslimah...that will be my new yr's resolution...:)

    klah i guess my entry is quite long so i shall stop here. might be posting another entry soon...adios^^


  • Friday, January 23, 2004

  • kies..i'm very full now. just finished eating spring chicken with my 2 bros. i was so hungry just now..practically no food at home..and all the shops were closed. fortunately, there's this 24-hr coffee shop near my house. if there wasn't, i think i would have died of starvation...a bit exaggerated.

    there goes my entire cny holidays...didn't do much..but kind of expected it...so much of wanting to catch up on sch work. basically slept over at nurul's house yesterday night. talked a lot..mainly abt kak effa's problems...but i hope it will go well...suddenly i just can't wait for her to get married..it's been so long since i'm involved in wedding preparations...i just hope that she will not get married next yr..haha..cos if everything goes well, i'll be sitting for my as next yr...insya-allah. but if she decides to have her wedding next yr..then it's fine by me also..-_-. then this spoent the whole of today lazing arnd at nurul's house...didn't shower until arnd 5 in the afternoon...dahsyat eh kitorang..haha. then going out again tmr..celebrate kak effa's b'dae and her long overdue b'dae present..two weeks late...haha...unforseen circumstances had happened back then...

    so much for wanting to go jogging on thursday but the plan backfired cos well, we were too tired to jog..stupid excuse rite?...oh wells...i really need to start exercising man...getting fatter by the day...muahahahaha...klah i better stop being gila now...adios..


  • Wednesday, January 21, 2004

  • entrancing
    You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
    your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
    he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
    that never lessens and always blows your
    partner away like the first time.


    What kind of kiss are you?
    brought to you by Quizilla




  • Blue Eyes


    What Color Eyes Should You Have?
    brought to you by Quizilla



  • nothing much happened today at sch. the chinese new yr concert was super boring..only some parts were nice lah but yeah..lame is thw word to use. somehow, i can't help but compare it with tkgs..the performances put up and also the spirit..in mj, well let's say that i dun see the spirit and the items are super lame...well maybe i'm biased...still attached to tkgs..as u can see, there's sth that's still holding me back from calling mj my sch...u noe, i can't help but compare mj with tkgs in every aspect..k that's bad...but i love tkgs too much...so izzah, pls enjoy ur stay in tkgs and cherish every moment of it okies...cos u'll regret it if u dun.

    finished sch at arnd 9+..so early i tell u. since iffah and i didn't feel like going home, we decided to go whitesands and eat at the food court. after that, went to pasir ris park...i simply love the beach man...so windy...stayed there for one and half hours...and throughout that time, the wind was blowing continously although the waether was quite sunny..following that, we went to tm at bought this ice-cream at dairy queen...

    now, i just finished watching anak metropolitan..felt so stupid just now as i din noe how to do a lot of questions in my chem and maths tutorial..asked my sis to teach me but she's tired...wateverlah...so irritating...hmmm..there's really a long holiday...wat should i do except for doing my tutorials? seriously i'm quite sick of doing tutorials after tutorials....suddenly now i'm scared to take my results..wat if i dun do well...shhesh..i noe i definitely studied harder for my o's and i guess did better but how much better....that's the question..sighz..i've been avoiding that topic for mths but it suddenly came back to haunt me after my father asked me when the results are going to be out...i'm just so scared lah...but i guess there's nothing much i can do rite now but to tawakkal...i have already tried my best and now i can only hope for the best.....


  • Tuesday, January 20, 2004

  • People like you becuase you're a sweetheart!
    What attracts people to you?
    brought to you by Quizilla



  • i tried this personality test from iffah's blog..i think i'm going to do this in gp class but waddaheck..just do it now...

    Analytical
    Trustworthy
    Self-Assured

    Your momentary sensitivity represents that which is of high quality and durable. Consequently, you like to surround yourself with little "gems," which you discover wherever they are overlooked by others.

    Thus, culture plays a special role in your life. You have found your own personal style, which is elegant and exclusive, free from the whims of fashion. Your ideal, upon which you base your life, is cultured pleasure. You value a certain level of culture on the part of the people with whom you associate.

    u noe what, it's really true. i guess most of them sums up what kind of personality i have.

    Personality Test




  • well bascially i dindn't get into the second round of dance audition. surprisingly, i dun feel anything..numb is the word to describe my feelings. maybe after all i didn't really want to be in dance..haizz..fickle-minded girl. anyway ifah and rohana got in. felt really happy for them cos they were really committed. as for me, it was a bit hard to say...it's not that i wasn't committed but i didn't really put in 100 percent..u noe. i dunno why but i felt as if something held me back from giving my 100 per cent. never really told this to anyone so maybe i shall just write what i've been feeling here...maye it's still because of the fact that i'm still grieving..well it all all happened within a wek of arwah tok's death...

    i had so much fun yesterday..stayed back in sch until 8, basically doing nothing. since i finished sch at 4.45, my friends waited for me. as it was still raining heavily then, we just decided to stay and my frens didn't feel like going home..basically had a great time...talked, laughed, etc..farah also gatecrashed mjc after sch.i think she came at arnd 3...and i had bio pract arnd that time

    sunday was basically fun. met up my sec sch frens..so long never see them...altho we haven't met for such a long time, it just felt natural as if we've been seeing one another every other day..no awkwardness there..talked and catch up on a lot of things...u noe...

    i've a lot of things to do but i'm very lazy to do them. nvm, tmr is cny celebrations so no lessons...yay...must really use the cny hols to do my tutorials man...klah that's all for now...adios....


  • Sunday, January 18, 2004

  • well, it's been almost a week since i updated. i've been very busy lately, coming home late and feeling exhausted. Furthermore, i have to do my tutorials which are piling up every second.

    i've been coming home late every day this week cos i had to stay back to practise for the dance audition. basically i really had a fun time choreographing and not to forget the countlless times when my friends and i just wanted to back out cos we really couldn't come out with any steps. so i would like to take this chance to say a big thank you to iffah and rohana for makng everything possible. i really had a great time with u gals. haha, this sounds like a thank-you speech..like i've won something major like that...anw, i really had fun in school..meeting new classmates and friends...there are the one whom i jst talk to like we're old frens but never bothered to know each other's names until our next conversation..

    so far i'm enjoying sch, aside from the thousands of tutorials which need to be done...:)oh yah..it's amazing isn't it when u have a real bad impression of someone for one day and then it totally changes the next day...i feel so bad now cos i really had this bad impression of this person but suddenly when my senior told me what that person is really like, i'm back to square one..still trying to figure out the person's character...well, the strange things of life....

    just now went to masjid mydin in kembangan cos my family had this tahlil akbar thing for my arwah grandfather. it was kind of sad during the doa part and seeing Cik Yam and my mother cry...looks like they're still sad over the loss...then after that we had this little jamuan..ate nasi briyani..can u imagine the four of us ate arnd one and a half pinngan...perakus sey satu2...but to begin with, the rice on the big piggan was very little..haha..still in denial that we ate a lot...

    heard a lot of stories from aton abt tok cos she went to nenek's house on friday night. i just felt so touched when i heard those stories.....


  • Monday, January 12, 2004

  • There was this guy who loved two gals at the same time but he didn't know which one he loved more. Someone taught him. Ask yourself this question and answer it honestly :
    "When you are happy, which gal would you want to share your happiness with?" The one you think of is someone you love. Ask yourself another question and answer it honestly :
    "When you are sad, which gal you want to share your burden with?" The one you think of is also someone you love. If you think of the same gal when you are happy & sad, that's the most perfect. But if you don't think of the same gal, I would advise you to chose the one you are willing to share your sadness with. In life, there are more sorrows than happiness. There are too many people that u meet that u can share your happiness with, not necessary your
    lover. If you live your life happily, you can also enjoy it alone. In sadness, however, there are not many people willing to share your burden with you. If you
    are willing to tell someone your happiness, I am sure that person has got to be someone close & an understanding person to you. But it shouldn't stop there. If that person only thinks of you when she is happy, but looks for someone else when she is sad, this lover is too unstable, she doesn't treat you as someone she can spend the rest of her life with. Of course, I will be very happy if I am the
    first person to share her happiness. But, if she is sad, I will be too willing to stay by her side & ease her pain. Only then, will I believe that I hold a very important position in her heart. If you are sad, who comes to your mind first?
    ********************

    Friendship is a strange thing. We find ourselves telling each other the deepest details of our lives... things we don't even share with the
    families who raised us. But what is a friend? A confidant? A shoulder to cry on? An ear to listen? A heart to feel? A friend is all these ... and more. No matter where we met, no matter how long we've been together... I call you friend. A word so small, yet so large in feeling, a word filled with emotion, a word overflowing with love. Truly great things come in small packages. Once the package of friendship has been opened, it can never be closed. It is a constant book always waiting... waiting to be read... and enjoyed. We may have our disagreements... we may have our disappointments ...we may argue ...we may
    have concern for one another...friendship is a unique bond that lasts through all tribulations. A part of each of us goes into our friendships ... our humor ... our experiences... our tears. Friendships are foundations... necessary for
    life... and love. Friends .. you and me ... you brought another friend and then we were three ... we started our group ...our circle of friends... there is no beginning .. there is no end.

    Sometimes God wants us to meet many wrong people
    So that when the right one comes along, we will
    appreciate that person more.




  • Friday, January 9 2004...it was 6.30 in the morning. i wnet out of the house to set for school. i arrived early at the bus-stop, but somehow, i had this uneasy feeling in my stomach and was reluctant to board the buses that came. i waited for a few buses to past and finally at arnd 6.45, i boarded the bus; if not i will be late for sch. i couldn't faathom or put to words why i had this really uneasy feeling....u noe..as if sth's bad is gonna happen..when the bus 15 came, i was quite hesitant to take it.Until now, i'm still trying to decipher why...

    when i was walking towards the bus-stop to take 3, 89, 81, etc, the uneasiness that i felt just got worse..then i could feel my phone vibrating - someone called me. puzzled, cos no one calls me in the morning..when i saw the name on my hp, my worst fears came true...that tok passed away...:(

    i just felt like crying right there but i had to remain calm and composed cos i'm so definitely not going to cry pulicly..rushed home and all...well it never occurred to me that there are so much problem within the HMS family..u noe like the problems faced by tok Hussein's family...later did i realise that tok was like the pillar of strength in the HMS family...i noe that i should say 'arwah' whenvver mention abt tok but i guess it's a bit hard rite now cos it still hasn't really sunk in yet that he's gone...i'm able to accept it..yes...cos it's already God's will but it feels strange that he's no longer around..noe wat i mean?

    imagine going to nenek's house every sunday and not going inside the room to salam him...it's just so strange isn't it?i'm sorry to say this but the atmosphere in nenek's house is so solemn..maybe it's due to the fact that tok had just gone away..but i just can't bear the solemnity of it all...i dunno abt u pple but everytime i look at the family pic which was taken some ten yrs back, i just can't help it but tears will jsut start to fill my eyes...maybe i just felt regretful that we couldn't take a last family pic together...with new additions in the family...regrets..but it's no use isn't it...questuins like what ifs would not help either cos we can't erase all the events that had happened so rapidly and unchange it. instead, we just haf to move on...

    all those stories that my mother told me abt tok were so sad yet i couldn't help but feel admiration and respect for him...he's just one amazing man...his strong determination and willpower...it's just so superb....rite now, i can see that all our aunties and uncles, especially nenek, are deeply affected by the death..and i myself am still grieving..don't be misled by my nonchalant attitude...it's just a facade that i'm putting on...the smiles and laughter are only out of pretense...

    to be frank, i dunno for sure when i can stop feeling sad and stop crying whwnever i go to sleep...i guess it never will but time will lessen the sadness and grief that i'm feeling now...but i dun think it can ever eradicate the sadness in me...

    when pple used to tell me that one of their relative had passed away, i could never feel their loss..yes i can sympthise with them but never emphatise...but now...i can safely say that i am able to...what an ignorant life i led so far....

    i guess i better stop rambling here for a while...must read my lecture notes...need time to catch up cos i'm quite far behind....


  • Wednesday, January 07, 2004

  • i'm so tired. i think i now noe how jc life is all abt. semalam tak sempat update cos i came home at 11.30...mj had a campfire...a finale of our orientation..so sad...orientation is all over and today, i start lessons...booo...not that badlah, only lectures...so still okie....i came home close to 7 today...had this cca recruitment thing..i can't believe i signed up for dance mann...then later got audition...

    i met this senior of mine..yasmin..her mum is egyption..so cool rite...but she's muslim by the way...i only met her today, like after sch and we just hit off man..so nice to talk to her...brought up in egypt and only came back to s'pore four yrs ago..anw..i haf to read my bio leture notes to get a rough idea of what the teacher is going to teach tmr...my eyes are so droopy already...

    niwaes, i read abt tok's condition from kak effa and nurul's bloggies..i cried when i was reading it...haven't had the chance to see him but i will soon...klah, guess i better end here...


  • Monday, January 05, 2004
  • DeAd tIrEd

    • hehe..i'm dead tired. came back from sch at 9. penat seyy. my fren, rohana just discoveed that we have put all the responsibility of co-ordinating my campfire item on our shoulders. smart...smart...tulah saper suroh pandai2 want to change the skit idea....seelah, now we are in charge of it...to make matters worse, the item is tmr...and we just came up with the lyrics just now. tu pasal lah balik lambat...budden it's oki...actually it was fun...got to stay back and noe the seniors better...nice pple...and friendly

    jus now orientation was fun...went out of sch and played the amazing race..ventured to pasir ris, tampines and simei...told later that the sch received lots of complaints from residents...we were too noisy:)

    i really enjoyed myself mann...and throughout the orientaion...so pple if u want to have fun during the first 3 mths, go to mj...serious...it's a very on sch..:)klah i guess i betta stop here...my eyes are drooping man...i'm dead tired...then tmr i haf a long day...at night baru habis sebab ada campfire...nasib baik boleh mandi kat skolah...:)...adios


  • Sunday, January 04, 2004
  • ♥YEA!!! I DID IT♥

    • guess what...i'm so happy. finally got my blog settled...:). whoopeedoo. i definitely feel a great sense of satisfaction mann..thannx to lulu oso..she helped me a bit but i'm proud to say that i did most of the job...hmmm...i'm still looking for pictures...nice ones..though i kind of like the current picture of hermaine and harry potter.

    i have sch tomorrow and i'm still wide awake rite now...sighs...i feel so excited...haha..i think i'm going mad. geez, i'm finishing sch at 3 tmr..spendind abt 6 hrs outside sch..playing amazing race in pasir ris, tampines and simei...9.30-3 in the afternoon...will be dead tired man tmr..so guess i may not update tmr....see my mood first..

    now i'm going to stop here and see how it turns out in blog...adios...





  • the 5 of us at Chief's house....



  • hello..just updating so that i can see my new blogskin..so just bear with me for a while...


  • Saturday, January 03, 2004

  • haha..just updating cos i'm totally bored. i still dunno how to alter my blogskin...hehe..looks like i have to ask izzah for help..:)

    i might be changing my blogskin..somehow it just doesn't appeal to me anymore....just to tell u, i overslept and and i didn't go to school. supposed to be in sch by 10 but tadaa, i woke up at 10.15...told my ogl that i overslept...lalalala

    hmm..it's been a pretty boring day...and i'm stiill deciding on my new blog skin...klah gtg...and i'll update more...adios....


  • Friday, January 02, 2004

  • okies...this is my new entry in this blog...just trying out....wanna work on my blog skins etc first.